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[personal profile] pamelonian
I have been reading the book Prozac Nation, a memoir about being "young and depressed in America." There are many parts where I find myself saying, "Sing it, sister!" I understand feeling overwhelmed by the futility of it all. Why make the bed? Why bathe? Why bother doing anything? At the same time, there is this part of me that says, "Shut up! You gotta keep going!" I have been told that I possess incredible strength to be able to keep slogging forward when trapped in the quicksand that wants to pull me under.

My usual therapy is writing, exercise, and alcohol. It doesn't always work, but I am seldom paralyzed beyond the point of doing anything and I am almost never beyond the point of caring or feeling at all. Sure, I slip. Sure, I respond poorly to setbacks, but I gotta keep going.

So what is my problem, then? Everybody has something wrong with them. If they're lucky it is only one or two things.

I think my major problem is social anxiety. I have never gotten a real diagnosis for it like I did with clinical depression, but I know that is my thing. I can talk to one person just fine (depending on who it is), but if you add another person I totally clam up and watch the other two talk. It is more than being shy. I know some people who seem to make friends wherever they go. It is not that simple for me. I guess I expect more from friends and don't like to spend time with casual acquaintances. Small talk bores and annoys me.

I am terrified about [livejournal.com profile] shrijani moving. Yeah, it is sad when someone you have known for 20 years moves away. I am just afraid I will never have another friend like that. I don't think I will. Lucky you are if you know someone who you really can tell anything, and I mean anything.

I think they prescribe Paxil for social anxiety. I may be willing to give it a go. My doctor loves to write scrips. I should let him.

Date: 2005-10-24 02:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] caliginess.livejournal.com
thought I may not have known shrijani for 20 years, I feel like I know what you're going through. she had a huge... HUGE impact on everything in my life from 5th grade on. We're in this together.

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